Bad Advice with Goldie and Penny

Hello little Gold Pennies! We’ve finally returned from a long break. We’re really excited to keep giving bad advice to all of your questions.

Q : “OMG so like the pumpkin spice latte is out and i reeeaaaallllyyy loooove it but like i just don’t have money! how do i make $$$ faaasssttt bc they’re so good?!!?!?!?”

-Pumpkin Spice Lover, 9th grade

A : Well we don’t understand your struggle because we only drink Red Bull, but we’ve compiled a list of great ways to earn money fast:

  1. Become a performer at the Santa Monica Promenade. You don’t even have to have talent! Just play really loud music and pretend you’re going to do a really cool trick so people will gather around. once you have a big enough crowd, do a cartwheel and then yell at everyone to give you money. It’s that easy! (Tip: reassure the audience that giving you money will help you stop robbing their houses.
  2. Get a job, duh.
  3. Become a famous band member in a matter of seconds with the karaoke app on your phone.
  4. Sell popcorn at your local animal shelter.


Goldie and Penny

Q: “Dear Goldie and Penny, my best friend and I are fighting and now she’s talking about me behind my back to our mutual friends. I’ve already tried to talk to her but she won’t stop!! We’ve been friends for a really long time and I just don’t know what to do.”

-Uncertain, 10th grade

A: If she’s talking behind your back, rip her arm off and slap her with it. Not only will it gain her respect, but it also shows everyone else what will happen if they try to cross you.


Goldie and Penny

Q : “ay yo young goldie and fresh penny. i can’t get a girlfriend, and i think its bc my swag is too poppin 4 dem 2 handle. how do i get a gf while stilling being swag?”

-Swaggy P, 11th grade

A : Well, Swaggy P if you’re swag is so high that no one is at your level, just date yourself! No one will ever be good enough for you anyway.


Goldie and Penny

Q : “Give me your advice on mens fashion. Please. It’s urgent. I have a date.”

-Unfashionable, 11th grade

A : You’ll want to wear something that really makes you stand out from the crowd, so try something daring. We recommend going green and just wearing your recyclables, such as a cardboard box. When she sees how much you care about the environment, she’ll fall for you instantly.


Goldie and Penny

Need advice! Submit a question through the website or Tweet us @GoldieAndPenny

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