Why Calling it ‘Football’ was NOT CHILL

American football was derived from Rugby in the late 1860’s. Fútbol however has been around for thousands of years. Fútbol’s primitive form began to take shape in the third and second centuries BC. It was originally played by kicking a leather ball through a small hole. Fútbol began to truly take shape and gain some of the rules we still use today around medieval times in England. During this time ‘handball’ was made a penalty in Fútbol. The earliest professional Fútbol club was created in Scotland in the early 1800’s. During this time the title Fútbol was copyrighted. Yet, American Football was still given the same name. This is inane and inconceivable!

If nobody abided by the laws concerning copyright, as done by creating American Football, then the world would be in chaos. If this was so, then I could open up a store called Coca Cola. People would expect the much beloved drink but upon entering the establishment would come to the conclusion that it is a karaoke bar. By giving American Football the same name as Fútbol the copyright was violated as presented in Ancient Scripture. In light of this, the American Football league could be sued and forced to change the sport’s name.

American Football is also an absurd name for a sport that does not involve one’s feet. If anything the sport ought to be called handball seeing as everything consists of using one’s hands. The only time feet are used is when a team attempts a field goal. Yet field goals take up less than .2 percent of an entire American Football game making the name ludicrous. Fútbol on the hand is entirely played with one’s feet. In fact if one uses there hands it is a penalty. The only exception is the Goalie who can use his hands to block the goal. For this reason, Fútbol’s name makes logical sense.

The pioneers of American Football stole the name Football because they wished to be cool. The preposterous decision to steal a preestablished sport’s name is what makes our country Un-American! This is a call to all people who believe American Football has wronged us. They have stolen our livelihood, our children and enslaved them in a vile sport. No longer can we permit this injustice. We must unite! We can’t let American Football abuse us! WE must regain our liberty! One nation under god! And that our sport, Fútbol, shall have a new birth of freedom and that Fútbol, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

An Article/Letter/Essay/Dissertation/Discourse/Treatise/Disquisition/Monograph/Critique

By Sir Noah Kastebaum 

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